10 steps for Ahmad Ismail to give the Apology

Malaysiakini reported that the defiant and recalcitrant Ahmad Ismail of UMNO Bukit Bendera maintains his refusal to apologise. Ahmad is quoted as saying, "Why should I apologise? I didn’t do anything wrong. Those who do wrong should apologise but I haven’t done anything".

His boss, Pak Lah is on record as saying that Ahmad Ismail should apologise for calling the Chinese pendatang (immigrants). Pak Lah said the need for an apology was the general feeling of the people, “He (Ahmad) should say that it was not his intention to belittle them. To the non-Malays, please remember that his statement has nothing to do with Umno’s policies or the Barisan Nasional’s. His statement does not represent Umno members or the party. This is because Umno practises consensus and cooperation with other parties that represent other races in this country and we will continue to hold firmly to this principle”.

Clearly there is a discordant note between Party President and Division Chief.

Here are 10 steps to help Ahmad Ismail give the apology:-

1. Realize that what you did was wrong and probably hurt Chinese Malaysians (who are fellow citizens).
2. Realize that there is no excuse. Do not try to think of or offer one. An apology with an excuse is not an apology. Take Full Responsibility.
3. Decide when to apologise. Sometimes immediately after your mistake is best, sometimes not. The sting of a harsh word can be cooled right away with a quick apology, but other offenses might need the other person to cool down before they are willing to even listen to your next sentence. However, the sooner you apologize for your mistake, the more likely it will be viewed as an error in judgment and not a character flaw.
4. Write your apology down. Construct a Press Statement addressed to the community you're apologizing to, rehearsing what you will say in person. If you don't feel comfortable with writing, then call a Press Conference. Not only will this help you remember what to say when you're face to face with them, but you can also bring the Press Statement with you and hand it to representatives of the Chinese community if you find the apology quite difficult to express. But don't forget that a direct and honest apology is best. Do it face to face, if possible. A phoned, emailed or recorded apology shows a lack of sincerity and effort and should only be a last resort.
5. Begin the apology by naming the offense and the feelings it may have caused. Be specific about the incident so that they know exactly what you're apologizing for. Make it a point to avoid using the word "but". ("I am sorry, but..." means "I am not sorry.") Also, do NOT say "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry if you were offended." Be sorry for what you DID! "I'm sorry you feel that way" makes it see like you are blaming the other person, and is not a real apology. Validate their feelings or discomfort by acknowledging your transgression's (potential) effects, while take responsiblity.
   
6. Make amends. Think about what caused you to make the offense. Is it because you are unhappy with your life, and you unknowingly take it out on others? Find the underlying problem, describe it to the person (as an explanation, not an excuse), and tell them what you intend to do to rectify that problem so that you never repeat this mistake again.
   
7. Express your appreciation for the role they play in the life, and development of Malaysia, emphasizing that you do not want to jeopardize or damage communal relations.
   
8. Ask if they will give you a chance to make up for what you did wrong. Insist on proving to them that you have learned from your mistake, and that you will take action to change and grow as a result, if they will let you. Make a clear request for forgiveness and wait for their answer. This gives the injured party the well deserved "power" in determining the outcome of the situation.
9. Be patient. If an apology is not accepted, thank them for hearing you out and leave the door open for if they wish to reconcile later. (E.g. "I understand you're still upset about it, but thanks for giving me the chance to apologize. If you ever change your mind, please give me a call.") If you are lucky enough for your apology to be accepted, avoid the temptation to throw in a few excuses at the end. Instead, have a transition planned out beforehand for what you can do to solidify the clean slate.
10. Stick to your word. This is the most important step. A true apology entails a resolution, and you have to carry out your promise in order for the apology to be sincere and complete. Otherwise, your apologies will lose their meaning, and trust may disappear beyond the point of no return. Follow through.

Loosely based on this piece.